Thursday, January 06, 2005

Wingman night...

I was just sitting at home yesterday afternoon and Jeff called around 5:00 and asked if I wanted to go to the bar with him. He said that the girl that dogged him last weekend was going to be there, and she wanted to talk. I didn't have anything else going on, so I said I would do it. At the bar, we did meet up with his girl, and they talked for quite a while, but she ended up going home around 9:00. Jeff said that she was going to meet up with him again this weekend. He thinks everything is ok, the reason she gave for leaving him last weekend was that she was drunk, and doesn't even remember leaving. I guess it is possible, but I wasn't there, so I didn't see how drunk she really was. I think it was something else, but that's not my problem. I did find out from one of the bartenders that her ex-boyfriend was in town for the holidays, who she still has a thing for. He lives about 2000 miles away, and has gone home now. Jeff didn't seem to bothered by this and is just looking for a little action anyway. I think that he is going to find out later that she wants more than that, and he will have to pay the price later. Of course my job last night, being the wingman, was to distract and entertain her friends and anyone else who got in the way. Well, Jeff has been my wingman many times before, but he owes me for last night. I ended up having to take a rather big girl home last night. Normally I would not have done it, but I was horny, and that was my job. I guess I did get laid so not everything is bad, it is just not something I am proud of, or want anyone to know about. Tonight I will be spending a quite night at home since we will probably be hitting it pretty hard this weekend. The bar we hang out at has a band playing Fri. night, and Sat. Jeff and I talked about a road trip to his home town. Which always means that we will be drinking very heavily...

For those of you who have never seen this, it is definitely worth a read. This is the "Wingmans creed", what good friends do for each other.


Wingmans Creed

There is a man out there.
He waits in the shadows.
He always appears on cue, and rarely fails at his assigned task.
He can blend in with the crowd or become the center of attention.
He's your buddy. Your friend. Your wingman.
Yes, the legendary wingman.

The man who "takes one for the team," "jumps on the grenade," and generally keeps someone else occupied while you're "engaging the primary target." Now, the secondary target isn't always a prize. Sometimes, they're downright scary. You know who they are. The "friend that drove us here." The "we have to leave now" or "we have to get up early" girl. The "if you think you're going home with her, you're sadly mistaken" friend. The "HELLO? We're having a girls' night out here" girl. I'm sure you get the idea. Usually, it's some skank who you could care less about, but you have to distract so you can talk to her friend.

This feeds into my long-standing theory that attractive people seek out ugly friends, to make themselves feel even more attractive. This is how the attractive folks then become the leaders of these little groups. But they also use the not-as-attractive friends as human shields, practically screaming: "If you want me, you'll have to find matches for my band of "girl-goyles".

Enter the wingman. Selfless beings, wingmen are generally just happy to be there for you. Some wingmen even find joy in playing decoy. Guys and gals, we've all been there. You spot the one you want across the crowded room. Then, out of fear, shyness, or sheer cowardice, you can't bring yourself to walk up to the object of your affection alone. Walking up to a crowd of guys (or girls) to talk to only one of them is rarely a winning proposition. So, you walk over with your winger. Hell, sometimes I've been known to take a whole squadron. Sometimes, you're the winger. Whatever. You strike up a conversation. You move in. The winger covers your six. It's a beautiful thing. And you can never predict how your mission will turn out. Sometimes, the wingman does better than you. Sometimes the human shields are more appealing than the primary target. Sometimes, you get shot down. Sometimes, your wingers get shot down and you have to abort because you lost your cover. And of course, sometimes the mission is a success.

There are many who sit in the hallowed halls of flight history for acts of sheer bravery-going above and beyond the call of duty-doing the equivalent of a kamikaze. Yes, I mean taking the secondary target home. A moment of silence for those brave, brave wingers. Oh yeah... I almost forgot...sometimes you fly right into a heavy combat zone, where she was good looking from afar, but far from good. Definite mission abort. And it's not easily done with grace. My best maneuver? Pretend she was someone you thought you knew, apologize, and walk away. But, you ask, who makes the best wingman? This is pretty simple.

A. Ugly friends of your own. You know you have 'em. They're nice, fun, and cool, but kinda lost the lottery on looks. You love 'em to death, but you also know that they're perfect for your mission objectives. It's OK to admit you have ugly friends.

B. Hot friends who don't know they're hot. Be careful, these are the wingers who accidentally blow you right out of the sky. I have several of these in my squadron.

C. Married or dating people. Perfect. These people have nothing to lose. To them, flying wing is "just talking." The key here is having them save the "I have a girlfriend/wife/boyfriend/husband/lover" sentence until the very end of the conversation.

D. Friends who just don't care. 'Nuff said.

And who makes a poor wingman?
A. Dorks.
B. Drunk guy. He'll crash and burn and nip your wing on his way down. You'll end the night as a smoldering heap of what used to be dignity.



For all you single guys out there, copy this and send it to your friends. Then when you try to actually use this technique, you will then find out who your true friends are, and if you have any.

9 Comments:

At 1:31 PM, Blogger broomhilda said...

LOL, do you boys actually use this technique?

 
At 9:52 AM, Blogger The Dating Doctor said...

Thanks for your blog! It is a great outlet from a long day at work!

Keep spreading the good word!!!

 
At 5:26 AM, Blogger FUNKYBROWNCHICK said...

I especially liked the Wingman's Creed. Very funny! :)

 
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At 11:26 AM, Blogger Lori said...

I went back and read thru your blog....very interesting....""streaking and sitting on the couch naked"".....So I'm hooked now...LOL

Have a great day!!!!

 
At 11:30 AM, Blogger Lori said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 8:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your blog cracked me up, the wingmans creed is great.

 

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